Fighting Behind The Scenes

“Fighting Behind The Scenes”


Well I cannot believe that we have expelled two months of this year already. How are things going with you all?

January was a major start to the year for me but things have come crashing down to earth for me this month. I have gone from the high of posting everyday to only a few posts in total this month.

I am to be honest at present struggling with many aspects of my health, mind and spirit but fighting them all nonetheless.

I do not know whether it has to do with the feelings of high in January, the fact of the emotions related to my recent health tests. But I have during the last few weeks been fighting levels of stress in home, work and its been effecting my online life.

In the past I have suffered with great bouts of depression, mainly associated around my family life. This being associated to my father/son relationship and not being around for him as he grew up. However as you all know that he is back in my life now. Even so, although I not seen him for a while. I do not believe the current emotion is associated to him this time.

I strongly feel that I am on the edge of fighting depression off again, but do not know why as I felt back in January everything was beginning to make a fresh start. Maybe it is because every day feels the same, sleep, work, home-life and online life and it all starts again. Groundhog day, everyday seems the same at the moment.

I am a person that believes in positivity and I will fight this yet again.  my feelings of lacking a sparkle in life at present.

I am still progressing with my business path, albeit slowly, but solidly.  I have been carrying round in my head, my business plan. This was getting bigger by the day and doing my head in. I decided I needed to release this and now have this typed out in text format relieving my head of the constant additional thoughts. These were not allowing my brain to shut down and relax, or allow me to get good sleep.

I have now purchased the core foundational domains of this business plan and slowly setting the plan in motion.

I just love Facebook Groups and I have spent a few nights just commenting and helping people on the Facebook groups as I feel I can cope with this at present, and staying in touch with what I have begun.

I have also reviewed an online friends product that he is creating on “Outsourcing”, offering advice and recommendations. I just loved doing this for him as the subject was totally new to me. I learned a lot just going through it the once but will be doing so again and placing a review on this site and there will be my testimonial supporting his product when he launches.

This year’s goal was to get better organised and I have been sorting 10 years worth of passwords and links stored in my Roboform program. Clearing loads of deadlinks out, again setting the foundation of useful websites that still exist after all this time.

I have also continued on some file management organisation too and backup procedures. Again setting a foundation to know everything is in an ordered fashion and backed up and secure.

There is still alot of work to do with my many hard-drives full of data, but I am making some progress.

I have had to turn a lot of my energies to my work situation just to survive and feel motivated to go on each day. I am surviving but it feels a struggle at the moment in more ways than one.

However it is the thought that one day I WILL BE FREE from this drudgery that is in someway motivating me to keep going, but it is not easy.

I feel that I am currently on the first ladder of motivation and have a long way to climb back to what I was feeling back in January. Maybe I did too much in January, as I awaited for the good news (in February) about my health scare. This has added a new perspective to my life yet again, and maybe I am simply recovering from the stress and emotions I have carried alone for the last three months, as I under went the tests to see what was wrong.

All I know is I am still here, with a fighting spirit, trying to deal with the stress that is trying to pull me back into the world of depression again, but it will NOT win. I am stronger than it and not allow it to drag me down.

This really has been the hardest month of all for me to get through in a very long time.


How do you all deal with the daily stresses around you all, in business, work and general life?




  • Sue Worthington

    Reply Reply March 3, 2013

    Depression does have a habit of lurking and then jumping on you when you least expect it.

    My depression is controlled with meds which after many many years of trying to come off them and sinking back into the depths, I am now happy to take them – they have no side effects for me – only positive and life enhancing benefits.

    You sound a very positive person though and that will get you through – it is good to recognise when it is creeping up on you though, and taking the steps that you know work for you.

    You are right – NEVER give up – you have come to far to give up

    Good luck Gary

    • Gary Watson

      Reply Reply March 4, 2013

      Hi there Sue

      It is now a few days since posting this and I have to say I am feeling a lot better and more focused again. Yeah I am still tired but that is part of the pressures of working in Mental Health, listening to all their woes, and then having to leave and deal with one’s own.

      Yes I am a very positive person and yes there are days I say sod it and turn back over under the duvet, but not many these days.

      I am a hermit though due to financial restraints that will ease in 17 months (Child Maintenance Arrears) being paid off. This will then allow me freedom to be able to get out more and build my business online faster. It is passing by so fast so won’t be long now until that day of financial shackles.

      Thanks for your comment, it is apparent that its all around us – maybe if TV and media portrayed a positive side of life instead of negativity all the time we might all feel better in ourselves!!

  • Cararta

    Reply Reply March 1, 2013

    Hi Gary,

    Depression can get us all, if we let it!..My younger brother fought is all his life…best results was when he found a Dr. who believed supplements instead of medicine were the key and prescribed a liquid B-complex for him. As long as he took it the change was amazing.
    For the winter time there is Light Therapy available and it does seem to make a big difference to many people who try it.

    In my case, I just keep working….you can’t become a hermit or life will pass you by.

    Keep up the good work!

    • Gary Watson

      Reply Reply March 4, 2013

      I have found that taking Omega 3 really helps keep my mind focused and alert – but its tiredness now that is bringing me down more than anything.

      So more concentrated sleep and I will be fine.

      I do take multivitamins daily due to my workload, time restrictions to always manage to cook good food.

      Light – I have heard of that and as stated in another comment I do tend to be a hermit due to finances!! So I could well need some more light in my life!!

      Thanks for your comment.

  • Diane Hurst

    Reply Reply March 1, 2013

    Gary, have you considered the possiblity of SAD disorder? I don’t know where you live, but in the northern climates, it’s very common this time of year to be affected by the lack of sunlight. You might find that going to a tanning booth once a week, for ultraviolet rays, is helpful.

    Something that has helped me a lot personally is accupressure. I used the book, Acupressure’s Potent Points, by Michael Reed Gach, and did acupressure several times a day for the points given for depression/anxiety; it made a BIG difference within a couple of weeks. I still use accupressure; it’s helpful and I’ve made it part of my usual daily schedule.

    • Gary Watson

      Reply Reply March 4, 2013

      I have heard of SAD and to be honest this winter and light has been dismal where I live. I do tend to be indoors a lot due to financial restraints.

      However spring is coming and lighter days so all is not lost. I am also getting out this week as need to get out this flat for a few days too.

      So I am intending to go to the coast and walk along the beach, get some sea air in my lungs and also call in on family.

      So taking positive steps to deal with it all.

      Not tried acupressure – first I have heard of that.
      Google here I come ?

  • Gary Watson

    Reply Reply March 1, 2013

    Ian – I set myself targets and goals all the time and I try to make them as realistic as possible.

    My problem of late is holding my plan in my head and adding to it in thoughts. Its now in text so freed my head of these thoughts.

    I have actually been focused today and been productive in the end. I have made a step of progress on the plan so been a good day in the end.

  • Gary Watson

    Reply Reply March 1, 2013

    I have chatted with you today Carl on the Facebook Groups and then gone along and done some very productive work behind the scenes in line with my plan.

    So I am hanging in Carl and still making progress!!

    I just think the emotions of past weeks of the highs and lows have hit me, tired me out but I did sleep for 24 hours yesterday, so slightly re-fuelled again.

  • Bonnie Gean

    Reply Reply February 28, 2013

    Generally, I get stressed too but I keep plugging on. I take meds, which helps but there are some days worse than others.

    Like you, I keep on the positive side of life. It doesn’t pay to get too upset over things I can’t seem to control anyway.

    You take care and hang in there Gary. Better days ahead!

    • Gary Watson

      Reply Reply March 1, 2013

      I took medication some 20 years back but had to come off them as made me “float” – I had become an astronaut in the process!!

      I have the attitude that in every negative situation in life there are always at least three positives, so outweighing the negatives. The task is to see them and grasp them with all one’s might.

      I am pleased to say despite posting this morning I have had an active and productive day, and bought the software and started to create my support website.

      So all is not bad. It’s a new month now so new goals for this one.

  • Jan

    Reply Reply February 28, 2013

    Hi Gary, as someone who has been in the deepest depths of depression, I know how hard it is crawling back out – and the fear of diving straight back there too.
    Personally, I think depression never truly goes away, we just find ways of dealing with it. Give yourself a break! Don’t beat yourself up about this.
    When I find myself struggling with stress and sinking back down it is hard to get motivated to keep going. I pulled myself out of the pit by using the catch a thought, acknowledge it and turn it around technique. Originally, I did it in a journal, because sometimes I really struggled to “turn it around”, and came back to it later. These days I do it in my head.
    I didn’t know it at the time, but it turns out it is a CBT technique. Perhaps that is something you will find useful, or see if you can find a local CBT counsellor that will walk you through the techniques.

    • Gary Watson

      Reply Reply March 1, 2013

      I agree Jan – it never leaves you – but I have become to learn when to recognise when it is lurking again.

      I am planning some time out next week on my four days/nights off work so I will be OK. Think I might escape to the seaside for a walk along the promenade as it always does the trick and I love to see and feel the power of the sea. See what happens next week.

      I have learned over the years how to fight it and turn it around. One is to keep going, take a break and get totally away from the drudgery, do something fresh or past enjoyment.

      I have albeit been very productive today in the end, and started the next phase of my foundations for business growth.

  • Gareth Kentish

    Reply Reply February 28, 2013

    Hi Gary – your honesty pours out in your blog.
    Just be prepared that success on the Internet comes in spates.
    It’s tough at the outset – without doubt and so easy to become disillusioned.
    At first, these “spates” are far apart, but after time they can get closer together, so they become a regular occurrence.
    This has been my experience.
    Any Internet person will tell you that they have had times when it seemed easier to give up. Many do.
    I hope you persevere and benefit from the web. Good luck

    • Gary Watson

      Reply Reply February 28, 2013


      I will NEVER ever give up – I have always known since I first came online in 1996 that this was my destiny.

      Despite the fight against the feelings at present I have still continued to plug away.

      I just feel so tired all the time which does not help. I do not think the dismal months of winter help either as the weather has been a bit inconsistent of late. I do not like the hot sun but think it helps all our spirits when it is up there in the sky shining down upon us.

      Being online is a learning process and ideas come all the time. I have learned to always get this on paper and out of my head. But I had never written out the plan for the next 3-5 years. I have now although it has to be tweaked and finished off. The core is now laid down in print. This helps me go forth now with my structured plan.

      You will see me around for a long time.

      Oh – I have not forgotten about reviewing your product either as eBay is going to be one of my cash streams too but I need to purchase the upgrade which I can now do as been paid today. Once I have done so and looked through you will see a review on my blog still.

      Thanks for your comment Gareth.

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